5 Methods of Personal Mastery
These 5 Methods work together – when practiced – to increase our EQ (emotional intelligence) and effectiveness in relationships and at work:
Observation without judgment
Conscious breathing
Self-reflection
Intelligent use of self-assessments
Seeking feedback from others
How to practice each Method:
Observation without judgment
To observe anything, we first take in “data” through our 5 senses – sight, hearing touch, taste and smell. However, due to the nature of the human brain, that “data” is instantly translated into a pattern of perception - - a pattern based on our own unique backgrounds of prior experience. We reach conclusions about that “data” faster than it takes to read the word “data”.
This is both good and bad. Good – because we react quickly many times when it is beneficial to do so, such as for survival. Bad – because we react quickly many times when it is detrimental to do so, such as in reaction to a personal misunderstanding. We “choose” unconsciously most of the time.
You can learn to observe yourself and your work anew. And you can learn to observe yourself without judgment, which is freeing and allows for new perspectives. When you do, your choices in any given moment open up across a broad spectrum – and you’re then able to choose consciously. In doing so, your choices at work can become much more intelligent, nuanced, and geared to the actual need at hand.
See below for an Observation exercise to support your practice:
2. Conscious breathing
In the Western world, most of us have no idea how essential conscious breathing is to our well-being at work and in life. The popularity of yoga has taught many to breathe deeply, but when yoga class ends it would be wise to continue the slower breathing habits throughout the day. When we’re breathing properly, we:
1st - Exhale and push the old, stale air out of our lungs by collapsing the diaphrammatic muscle at our belly;
2nd – Breathe in slowly through the nose and fill up the lower part of our lungs fully – “belly breathing” – and then fill the upper part of our lungs in the chest area. We should feel a nice stretch as we take in full lungs of oxygen.
3rd – Briefly hold our breath with full lungs of air. This should feel relaxing.
4th - Breathe out slowly – either through the nose or the mouth – to again exhale fully and push the old air out.
5th – Repeat the above 2 more times to feel relaxed, oxygenate the brain, calm our nerves, and clear our thinking.
Through conscious, ”belly breathing”, we slow down our heart rate and our nervous system. We reduce our stress and get more oxygen to our bloodstream, hence to our brain. We become more able to see our world objectively and with greater perspective.
In contrast, when we breathe shallowly from the chest area, the reverse happens. We increase our heart rate and stress, and become “victims” of our automatic reactions governed by our ancient brain – including emotional reactions which can exacerbate conflicts with others. This can be disastrous at work.
The method of conscious breathing enables you to literally slow down your automatic physical and emotional responses and create a space within yourself – and within your brain circuitry – to create new choices.
If you want to learn more about how our brains and breathing function to create conscious choice, click here.
3. Self-reflection
Observation helps us investigate “what” is going on. Self-reflection helps us investigate “why”.
Observation (Method #1) must come first, before self-reflection. Self-reflection helps us take our observations to the next step in order to investigate the underlying patterns which may be limiting our choices.
For example, we can observe that we feel tension in our bodies
To be a useful method, self-reflection requires our boldest personal honesty and our willingness to face what lies in our “shadow” - - those parts of ourselves which hide our shame and our most valuable inner gold.
A valuable resource is the book Owning Your Own Shadow, by Robert A. Johnson.
4. Intelligent use of self-assessments
Use self-assessments to gain perspective on yourself, open your mind and heart, and get more oxygen into your life and work.
We all need perspective to see ourselves more clearly and recognize the ways others may see us. Some of this may be shocking. We may live in a bubble of our own assumptions until we see ourselves more as others see us. This is why self-assessments are valuable.
There are literally hundreds of assessment tools you can use to gain self-awareness, but keep in mind that each one is designed to reflect only a part of who you are. A single assessment tool cannot explain your complexity.
Here are links to two assessments that are well-known and valuable:
Enneagram -
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator -
www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/take-the-mbti-instrument/home.htm?bhcp=1
It is essential to use assessment tools in an ethical manner, even for oneself. In other words, use the feedback and information for understanding and insight, not for labeling yourself or others. We are each multi-dimensional individuals, so keep this context in mind as you use a self-assessment.
There is a paradox here. We are simultaneously unique and capable of being categorized into various groups with others. These “groupings” are useful ways of understanding how we may seem to others in similar or different categories.
In the workplace, many people have been given what’s called a 360-degree assessment, where others above you and below you in the organization, as well as your peers, provide confidential feedback about your strengths and areas for growth. These are very helpful, but prior self-awareness can increase the value of a 360-degree assessment process.
When we use a variety of self-assessments skillfully, we are able to see ourselves from many facets of experience. We can then recognize how we may appear one way to some people and a very different way to other people. This enables us to consciously choose whether or not to adapt ourselves to people and situations in order to bridge to their needs for communication. This process makes us more effective with a wider range of people – at work and in life.
5. Seeking feedback from others
In seeking feedback from others we gain perspective. It is often the most challenging of the 5 Methods to practice because it makes us feel vulnerable. But it holds the potential for essential learning about ourselves and how we “seem” to others at work.
Due to the political nature of most work environments, it is important to choose wisely regarding how one goes about seeking feedback. When approached with forethought and open-mindedness, this method can do much to build trust within a new work relationship, re-build broken trust in a current work relationships, calm down a heated conflict, and provide us with profound insights about ourselves and others. METHODS toward PERSONAL MASTERY
EXERCISE
DEVELOP YOUR SKILLS in OBSERVATION & SELF-REFLECTION
Guidelines: Select a particular “event” in order to observe yourself at 4 levels (body, heart, mind, spirit). The “event” may be anything, but should be engaging enough to trigger responses on your part. After the “event”, pause to write down your observations, per the questions below. Observational practice develops your skills in emotional intelligence (EQ) and conscious choice, and reduces stress and tension in your life.
A. Event observed: _____________________________________________
B. OBSERVED “DATA” at each of the 4 Levels:
Physical level: What was your body experiencing during the event itself?
Focus on the “data” from each of your 5 senses -
Sight?
Hearing?
Taste?
Touch?
Smell?
Observe your breathing, heart rate, muscle tension, body posture, energy level, etc.
To what extent were you aware of these physical responses at the time?
Emotional level: What were you feeling during the event?
Consider and describe your various feelings, such as:
Alert or tired?
Energized or depressed?
Happy or sad?
Calm or anxious?
Etc.
To what extent were you aware of these feelings at the time?
Mental level: What were your thoughts during the event?
For example:
Was your mind jumping from one thought to another, or are your thoughts fairly calm?
Is your mind talking to you in an understanding and caring manner, or are you criticizing yourself for something you should have done or said?
Are you able to concentrate on writing your responses to these questions right now, or are you distracted and fidgety?
What are/were your thoughts - literally? Can you identify them? Try to capture the literal words your mind is/was saying to you:
Were you explicitly aware of your own thoughts at the time?
Spiritual level: identify your values from the event
Did the event have any particular meaning for you? Why or why not?
What values were present or absent during the event which mean a great deal to you?
To what extent were you aware of these factors during the event?
C. SELF-REFLECTION:
Based on your observed “data”, consider new insights as to how and why you “perceived” the event as you did: