Our 3 Brains & EQ

OVERVIEW OF EQ:

“Emotional Intelligence” (EQ) is a concept Daniel Goleman coined in his 1995 book by the same title.  Since then, the term “EQ” has become popular.  EQ is a set of skills we can learn in order to be more effective communicators and collaborators in our personal and professional lives.  It also helps us reduce our stress.

EQ skills develop our self-awareness so that we may:

  • Recognize our emotional states and responses in any situation

  • Learn how to moderate our responses rather than simply react

  • Recognize the impacts our behaviors have on others

  • Take responsibility for our impacts on others – both pro and con

  • Learn how to moderate our behaviors to develop more constructive relationship across a range of situations and types of people

  • Face and resolve conflicts with others, as well as prevent conflicts

THE HUMAN BRAIN & EQ:

To develop our EQ skills, it is helpful to know a few facts about how the human brain functions.  Human beings have 3 brains – and these do not always cooperate with each other.  Here’s an overview of each brain’s functions:

Reptilian brain - controls breathing, metabolism, “fight/flight/freeze” syndrome.

Mammalian brain - controls care of the young, sexual pleasure and response, and some memory and learning.

The Limbic System includes both the reptilian brain & mammalian brain, & is 80,000 times faster than the neo-cortex  

Neo-cortex - controls speaking, reasoning, planning, and having thoughts about our thoughts and feelings.

Responds 80,000 times slower than the other two brains!

This explains the fact that “feelings precede thoughts”.  Our limbic system – our “feeling brain” - is literally way ahead of our “thinking brain”.  The key to getting our brains to cooperate – and therefore have more EQ - is our breathing.  

WHY IS CONSCIOUS BREATHING KEY TO BETTER COMMUNICATION & RESOLVING CONFLICTS?

  • Our “emotional memories” reside in one of our memory centers, called the amygdala, located in the limbic system.

  • The amygdala makes emotionally-based decisions for us much more rapidly (80,000 times faster!) than our neo-cortex makes so-called “rational” decisions.

  • Therefore, “feelings precede thoughts”.

  • When we experience fear, anger, aggression or other strong emotions with others, our breathing patterns change automatically, according to our “fight/flight” response, located in the reptilian brain.

  • Since our breathing is also controlled by the reptilian brain - if we learn conscious breathing, and use these methods when we experience strong reactions, we will slow down the reaction of the amygdala and allow our neo-cortex time to catch up with our emotions and assist us with “rational” decision-making.

  • We will thus enable ourselves to make smarter choices when faced with difficult people, circumstances or conflict.

HOW DO WE PRACTICE CONSCIOUS BREATHING?

Healthy breathing is “belly breathing” – from the diaphragm, not only the chest.

First, simply begin noticing your breathing, without trying to alter your breathing pattern.  Notice the degree of tension you may have when you breathe – how relaxed or tense you may feel.

Next, with good posture – exhale fully, pushing the old air out by collapsing your diaphrammatic muscle.  Then breathe in through the nose, inhaling fully into your belly area first, before you bring air into your chest area.  Exhale by releasing air in the chest first, and next exhaling air from the “belly” (reason:  the lower part of the lungs near the belly has a greater capacity for air, and “belly breathing” slows down the nervous system and heart rate, thereby slowing down the reptilian brain’s “fight-flight response)

Note:  if “belly breathing” makes you feel light-headed, practice first when you’re lying down.  After your lung capacity enlarges and strengthens through practice, you will not get light-headed.  

HOW DOES CONSCIOUS BREATHING HELP OUR EQ SKILLS?

Conscious breathing is what enables us to develop EQ skills more quickly, in an integrated way in our bodies, feelings and thoughts.  It is impossible to develop EQ skills well without also developing the practice of conscious breathing due to the functions of our 3 brains.  Right in the midst of a challenging interaction, we can use conscious breathing to slow down our reactions, bring our “thinking brain” online, and respond toward others with greater clarity and calmness.

Individual PracticesJulianne Maurseth, Ph.D.